Thursday 1 August 2013

Body and soul



For about a week, I find it impossible to use my dishes, because when I pick them up, they make me think about myself, and thinking about myself reminds me of what's happening.

Normal time is suspended, partly because I keep standing still and staring at nothing.


And now that it's over, I have come back home, and we start to build, reluctantly, a life without her.
My bowl is often empty, because my throat is too tight for much of the day.  Other people force themselves to eat,  "to keep body and soul together". It never occurred to me until now what that phrase means, and every time I hear it, I am horrified.  Because I have enough reserves to last me many months, I don't need to eat when I'm not hungry, and when my flesh begins, very slightly, to diminish, it feels appropriate, because I am lessened by this loss.



The cup, however, is never empty for long. Rivers of tea help during the day.
And by evening, something fruitier.

If anyone feels this is an inappropriate drink for today, then by heck, they didn't know my sister.

2 comments:

  1. Beautifully written, Emma. A toast to Letty. She's sharing that drink with you, you know...Love you. xo

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  2. A toast to Loretta and all that she was and will be in your hearts forever!

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